Road House

Retard House and McGregor, walking like he’s got an empty Guinness bottle shoved up his anus, reigning as the king of his inmates. Thanks to the Florida climate and a bit of perspective, it’s somewhat bearable, but as soon as Dalton, with a Nobel Peace Prize in his shirt pocket, is cornered, the dumb action combined with the tragically comical CGI of Doug Liman's annoying guest gets tossed out the front door. After that, it just rolls around in the dust outside, in front of the mindrest of a Guilty Pleasure. However, it can’t desecrate the original B-movie adventure with bouncer Swayze, as even that was a fourth-rate establishment. (04/11/2024)

Eighties classics, Jake Gyllenhaal on top form a solid cast, Doug Liman behind the camera, and Prime Video as a streaming service that goes toe-to-toe with these guys... the result? Well, let's just say it fell short of expectations. The new Road House is a film whose makers seem to have misunderstood the magic of straight-up 80s action movies and trip over their own feet. Overlong, with a dysfunctional hero who smiles and looks like the nicest guy in Florida the whole time, at least, but we know the trauma is in there somewhere... it's just that since we know it, there's no need to wait a hundred minutes for it to be resolved. And in between, we spend time with boring side characters who are just as goofy as in the original, only here they're god knows why give more space to talk about their life's hurts. And there's a hell of a lot of music playing to go with it, and they're staring dreamily into the stupid. All that delays the fights – though maybe that's not such a big deal. Gyllenhaal's getting his kicks, Conor McGregor enjoys his madman, and the rest of the male cast is just there to get smacked around, and Daniela Melchior is there to give the bouncer a disingenuous bashing. That's okay. But the way Liman conceptualizes the action scenes, the bullshit he comes up with with the camera, and how vehemently he tries to be different and innovative, only to have it usually blow up in his face (it's really not very pretty to look at) is the final nail in the coffin of disappointment. The new Road House doesn't actually do downright well at practically anything. It does something average, something slightly above average, but most of the time it's just completely off. And boring at that. (03/22/2024)

An action-packed opening that invites a rough travel adventure. I enjoy films where the main characters explore unknown environments, especially when the lead is Jake Gyllenhaal, who knows how to deliver a punch. The tension and action scenes are great and entertaining. However, as soon as Conor McGregor appears, the film goes off the rails and takes a turn crazy similar to Fast & Furious. What a shame! (05/31/2024)

Yes, I was expecting a classic '90s B-movie where I could turn off all brain activity. However, the film still disappointed me a bit. Jake Gyllenhaal put in a lot of effort, but he didn’t quite fit the lead role for me. I probably prefer seeing him in more nuanced films. The story is incredibly cliché, really lacking any surprises (the romantic subplot was pushed much more forcefully compared to the original). And yes, Conor McGregor is amusing when he first appears, but his theatricality and lack of acting talent become tiresome after a while. At least the final fight was satisfying and met the highest standards. The original version with Swayze was honestly a bit more entertaining for me. I give Doug Liman's version 5/10. (05/12/2024)

I love the original Road House. Strip it of the 80's charm, the sex appeal, the fighting philosophy, the brutality; swap the charmingly oblivious overkill for self-awareness, swap the practical effects for repulsive digital ones and you have the new Road House. The fact that this one had huge ratings is a testament to the lack of masculine films for contemporary audiences. I agree. But I also want it to be good and entertaining. (05/26/2024)