Road House

I love the original Road House. Strip it of the 80's charm, the sex appeal, the fighting philosophy, the brutality; swap the charmingly oblivious overkill for self-awareness, swap the practical effects for repulsive digital ones and you have the new Road House. The fact that this one had huge ratings is a testament to the lack of masculine films for contemporary audiences. I agree. But I also want it to be good and entertaining. (05/26/2024)

I haven't seen the original film, so I'm not comparing, I'm purely evaluating, and I have to say that for how highly anticipated Road House was, it's very underwhelming. The story is more or less pretty straightforward, but that's fine with me, I like these simple movies with a charismatic main character, even more so if they add some violence, good craftsmanship and good action. But we don't get any of that here, so the overall result is just one big... er, disappointment? There are only two action sequences in all, and it's brutally obvious how computerized they are. If they've recruited Conor McGregor, you'd think he’d at least be allowed to give Jake Gyllenhaal a pretty hard and fair shake, but here the whole action is so horribly implausible that I can't believe it. Likewise, the whole bunch of bad guys come across as total losers, and when McGregor came on the scene I was grasping my head as to how he could so painfully and unnaturally overplay his role, because he may be a little red-headed leprechaun, but to forcefully push this behavior on his character like this is simply appalling. It's even worse that he bragged on social media that he was the highest-paid sports actor. Eh, what can I say? It’s not offensive or exciting, but I won't remember this movie in three days, which is actually a pretty bad result considering my initial expectations. A below average B-movie that even Gyllenhaal can't save. (03/21/2024)

Retard House and McGregor, walking like he’s got an empty Guinness bottle shoved up his anus, reigning as the king of his inmates. Thanks to the Florida climate and a bit of perspective, it’s somewhat bearable, but as soon as Dalton, with a Nobel Peace Prize in his shirt pocket, is cornered, the dumb action combined with the tragically comical CGI of Doug Liman's annoying guest gets tossed out the front door. After that, it just rolls around in the dust outside, in front of the mindrest of a Guilty Pleasure. However, it can’t desecrate the original B-movie adventure with bouncer Swayze, as even that was a fourth-rate establishment. (04/11/2024)

Eighties classics, Jake Gyllenhaal on top form a solid cast, Doug Liman behind the camera, and Prime Video as a streaming service that goes toe-to-toe with these guys... the result? Well, let's just say it fell short of expectations. The new Road House is a film whose makers seem to have misunderstood the magic of straight-up 80s action movies and trip over their own feet. Overlong, with a dysfunctional hero who smiles and looks like the nicest guy in Florida the whole time, at least, but we know the trauma is in there somewhere... it's just that since we know it, there's no need to wait a hundred minutes for it to be resolved. And in between, we spend time with boring side characters who are just as goofy as in the original, only here they're god knows why give more space to talk about their life's hurts. And there's a hell of a lot of music playing to go with it, and they're staring dreamily into the stupid. All that delays the fights – though maybe that's not such a big deal. Gyllenhaal's getting his kicks, Conor McGregor enjoys his madman, and the rest of the male cast is just there to get smacked around, and Daniela Melchior is there to give the bouncer a disingenuous bashing. That's okay. But the way Liman conceptualizes the action scenes, the bullshit he comes up with with the camera, and how vehemently he tries to be different and innovative, only to have it usually blow up in his face (it's really not very pretty to look at) is the final nail in the coffin of disappointment. The new Road House doesn't actually do downright well at practically anything. It does something average, something slightly above average, but most of the time it's just completely off. And boring at that. (03/22/2024)

Doug Liman off the chain. A decently executed summer testosterone romp that's funny and manages to mix humour, self-parody and action, with a backdrop of the sun-drenched Keys at its back. A worthy remake to the awful original, plus an ensemble cast that has resuscitated Jake Gyllenhaal's action career (all honours to his physical form), and discovered the acting, or rather comedic, potential of Conor McGregor. It's a shame about some of the appallingly handled digital shots and botched editing, but within the context of an action flush with no higher ambitions, relative satisfaction. (04/07/2024)