Tin & Tina

A couple who can't have children themselves decide to adopt two strange, very religious albino kids from a convent with the idea of a happy life. But from the beginning, strange things happen and something is wrong with those kids. It doesn't matter how great the premise sounds, and the film may have the best elements, scary ideas, or solid developments, but what good is it when completely everything else about it sucks. A movie with scary kids should rely almost fully on those kids, and therefore if they can be convincing, scary and brutal enough, it's a win-win. But that doesn’t happen in Tin & Tina, it's the complete opposite. The actors are unable to be convincing in any scene, they come across as hammy and awkward, the dialogue is literally nauseating and comes across as something out of a school for the mentally retarded, and I knew from the first few minutes that it was bad – a third of it made me want to laugh, a third made me want to cry, and a third made me feel embarrassed for them, and made me wonder how anyone was capable of letting this out of post-production into the world. Add to that the incredibly cheap look and execution and two hours of tedious running time and you've got yourself a mess. You'd think that you couldn't fuck up a premise this entertaining, and that Denver (Money Heist) would never have stepped into such a horrible B-movie, but alas. The IMDB rating of 6.5 really amuses me, and I wonder how some viewers can be uncritical and mindlessly flub such a rating, as this is a disaster and a waste of time. (05/26/2023)