Vampire Hookers

The American film Vampire Hookers is not very good. It tries to save face with some weird moments in the script at the end, but otherwise, this is a film that relies on pretty women showing very nice breasts and the fact that even though they are vampires, they also wear panties. There's a lot of humor, but most of it isn't funny, and you won't find any horror moments in the film at all. That’s too bad because it could have at least been more erotic. (08/02/2019)

With this movie, Cirio H. Santiago could have easily aspired to be the Filipino Ed Wood. This is hard-to-evaluate trash, in which everything is terrible except for the song playing over the end credits, which will leave you singing  in your head for days after: "Vampire Hookers ... and blood is not all they suck!" Other unforgettable highlights are also a farting manservant played by Vic Diaz, extras staring blankly into the camera, and probably the dumbest climax someone could have thought up. (02/04/2019)

One of many contributions by Filipino B-movie maestro Cirio H. Santiago to the collection of the most trashy cinematic entertainment. This time, he’s roped in a worn-out John Carradine, floundering at the tail end of his acting career, while his son is thriving in films by legends like Martin Scorsese, Hal Ashby, and Ingmar Bergman. Santiago’s directorial skills are closer to Ed Wood’s caliber, and the result is exactly what you’d expect. Vampire Hookers is a rightfully obscure B-movie, ideal for aficionados and cinematic masochists who enjoy watching completely ridiculous films where there isn't even a proper crowd of extras – you can see people in the supposedly bustling streets of Manila staring directly into the camera. With a title like Vampire Hookers, you might anticipate more eroticism and nudity from the seductive vampires, but you only get that in the last third of the movie during an extended softcore bedroom scene. Otherwise, it’s pretty tame. If you’re hoping for something akin to Jesús Franco’s work, you’ll be disappointed. The most memorable aspects of the film include a farting, dim-witted servant played by Vic Diaz, a nonsensical ending filled with WTF moments (even by B-movie standards), and a catchy theme song during the end credits with the brilliant refrain, "Vampire Hookers, and blood is not all they suck!” That tune will stick in your head for a while. As someone who hunts for these stinky cinematic gems, I actually enjoyed this one more than expected. Despite its flaws, Vampire Hookers deserves a solid 2 stars. Unlike many other B-movies, it’s not all that boring – and that’s something! (01/26/2019)