Bitch Slap

So I won't be boring and I'll rate it here as well. Because this fucking mess is really hard to rate. The film cannot be taken subjectively or objectively. Subjectively, it's crap, and objectively, it's also crap. But it still has something to it. It's actually a kind of non-story in the middle of the desert, where there are three bitches who constantly splash water (well, more like piss), sometimes hit with a pickaxe, show tits, ass, hips (how everything shakes with each hit) or sparks fly out of their ass and they disappear somewhere into the ass. Actually, it can't even be rated. It's just a collection of perverts who make fun of action movies and especially what guys find exciting. And they do it in a completely brutal ironic way, it can't get any more ironic than that. (05/28/2012)

This is the horniest 100 minutes of the year featuring three divine females and a director with his brain in his balls and a libido off the charts. There’s nothing more fun a guy could ask for at the end of the year. A plot based on flashbacks, a CIA weapon prototype, Hercules, and endless shots of boobs and asses in the longest camera slow-motion since Transformers 2. It doesn't make sense, but it's a film full of catchphrases and it’s anti-feminist entertainment that, while actually stuck on a backwater desert road, moves faster than a lubricated one. It is indeed the perfect antagonism of Twilight. :) (12/28/2009)

Not a single blonde? Unforgivable! And not a wise decision, because in the flashbacks where the three lead brunette characters furiously exchange their wardrobes and overall image, they become kind of interchangeable. Otherwise, it’s more or less okay silly low-budget fun, where characters sometimes behave like idiots and it’s full of what was missing in Snyder’s Sucker Punch. That is sex, sex and more sex. (05/31/2012)