The Expendables 3

Sly's scripted assurance that old geezers are still better than young inexperienced kids is actually enough to make me happy. I could have done without the gender emancipation element in the form of an invincible warrior in a skirt (the director should have explained to her that a perpetually scowling face would not make her a tough brawler), but on the other hand, Banderas was pleasantly delightful in his self-deprecating role delivered like a ferret on speed. The fact that the young ones lack any charisma at all is actually good, it makes the personality of the old action stars stand out all the more. And the final action-packed 20-minute set-piece finally brought it up to a very close 4*. I have to laugh at some of the criticisms here (as well as like-minded reviews on news sites) to the effect that the Expendables 3 "is all about shooting". What else did you expect from a pure action franchise scripted by a man named Sylvester Stallone? A Kantian reflection on the meaning of existence and the universe? (08/13/2014)

This film has the most imaginative and technically proficient action (Hughes is as spectacular as in the 1980s and at the same time crisp and clear as is appropriate thirty years later), the funniest newcomers (not the youngsters!), the most luxurious villain (yeah, Mel's to blame, but damn it, take it easy on him already, he's in his prime), and sadly, the most boringly conceived plot (it's not much more than an amusement ride and the second film sorely lacks self-deprecation). (08/08/2015)

This movie is so terribly gay that if I were to unexpectedly walk into one of the RVs some night during filming, I believe I'd collide with an Italian Stallion clinging his powerful lips to the shaved nipple of a cute giggling Terry Crews, with Austrian-eyed Arnold rubbing a cigar on Statham's naked buttocks and Kellan Lutz with his pink lips behind the camera shooting the whole thing. The downgraded access to a PG13 rating has, among other things, traded blood for cold man sweat, and thanks to motivational bullshit like a gym coach, we suddenly have not an action movie in front of us, but a classic prepubescent muscle show for young Leo Beráneks. Logically, then, the best action scenes here are the skillful Banderas and Ronda, because they at least pretend to have some choreography. I don't think that the lower level of accessibility automatically reduces the functionality of the action scenes, just that for this action and the forms the filmmakers have chosen for it to it take (knives, machetes, close-range shooting), it doesn't work. Not even the LazyTown-esque special effects help. And as for Stallone and his old-man dragging of pensioner's dilemmas into an action movie, all I can say is "Sly, go to Pelhřimov. They have a crematorium there. Take a good look around. See what you're getting into." Actually, the whole thing reminded me of a pub owner I met recently who, when asked what kind of beer they had, said, "We’ve got Budvar. But I wouldn't have any." (12/07/2014)

Probably the weakest Expendables, but it's still a funny ride!! Great casting, super pacing, awesome wisecracks and banter, and pretty decent action makes for an above average experience for me. Mel Gibson is fine, but he can’t match Jean-Claude Van Damme, Antonio Banderas gave the film some juice, but he got on my nerves after a while, Jet Li again showed nothing, as if he was ashamed, he showed no interest, even the one sentence he said here he stuttered... Oh my god what happened to you? And what separates me from a 5* star are the truly terrible visual effects and explosions, which I last saw in a SYFY movie, and the absolutely botched final fight Stallone vs Gibson, which didn't even have a choreography, probably just improvisation. I'm glad I saw the film at home, as I probably would have left the cinema disappointed, but it's a perfect thing to watch at home. 75% (08/05/2014)

A couple of minutes after the end, and I already don’t know what it was about. Maybe it’s because it was about nothing... :) While the second one made my heart skip a beat at the fact that an action film today can still be so genuinely entertaining and that can transfer that vigour to the viewer, the third one is a soulless, uninspired carnage that only tries to win fans by how many famous names appear in as super-stylish badass icons. The best character is hands down Banderas’s, who spices up the dull parade of B-movie action and script recycling at least for a while with much-needed, previously completely derivative humour. 45% (10/11/2015)