J*A*S*M

A pleasant old-fashioned horror flick about a sexually frustrated priest and a church where everything smells quite musty. If it was twenty minutes shorter, I’d give it a four. 70 %

Was it really such an insurmountable problem for the creators to write at least one (!) of the main characters that was a little (!) likeable and not a idiot? Because these dull morons were truly unbearable, especially since the proper horror action doesn’t get going until the fiftieth minute. Until then it’s suffering, which unnecessarily hurts the film, because the setting is great, the POV through the glasses works fine and the demonic mayhem in the last third is quite decent. But the idiotic and annoying main characters overwhelm everything else.

It’s impossible to write much about Amenábar’s new thriller without spoilers. During the story I was truly surprised that an A-list director with an A-list cast has made such a B-movie - a trashy Satanist tale where much of the (to be fair, not insignificant) fun lies in comparing the intended effects of each scene with their real effects. It’s a lot of fun, really, and a horror guilty-pleasure for the most part, because I actually like this type of clichéd silliness with Satanist cults, rituals, etc. But in the end it breaks down, though not nearly enough for Regression to suddenly become a smart film, but too much for me to keep on making contemptuous fun of it. So nothing, basically. Maybe 60%, but it could move either way.

If it was an original film, Martyrs, by the brothers Goetz, could have deserved an average rating with lamentations of a wasted potential, but as a remake it’s the definition of offensive laziness. An excellent film that’s been devoid of style and all its sharp edges. An almost incredible softening up in every sense, which is exactly what shouldn’t happen with Martyrs, given the premise that moves the plot. All the changes in the story from the original (minimal in the first half, which dully and blandly follows the footsteps of the original twist, and a bit more in the second half) are for the worse; none of the creative decisions could overcome the final impression. It’s such a pointless and useless film that the creators, who didn’t have a very bad début with Scenic Route, have lost any sympathy that I could have even felt for them. Because if someone has signed up for this, it’s clear that they don’t care at all about artistic self-expression.

Cautious approval. If Blumhouse was self-critical enough to not release The Veil in cinemas but send it directly to the VOD networks, I’m going to oblige and give the film some mild compliment. I appreciate the visible production values; It’s a nicely shot film, with decent actors, an atmosphere that rears up its head here and there and also a nicely captured environment (by the way, much nicer locations that the recent The Forest, which should’ve been built on that, actually). However, someone went a bit too far with the filters, though what hurts the film the most is the performance of Thomas Jane, whose overacting is off the charts. Actually, you can’t even call it overacting, it’s such an over the top written character that it’s almost a parody that unnaturally sticks up from the rest of the film, and therefore it can’t be taken very seriously.

The beginning was great, somewhere around the middle I lost interest, but I finished the second half of Hotel, and I’m satisfied. For me, in fact the second best season of AHS (after Asylum). It helped a lot that Jessica Lange took a break (in the last seasons she was playing always the same character and it was boring already), and instead of her, Lady Gaga brought her own special aura. Hopefully, Murphy won’t make the same mistake and won’t let us pass the next season, like Jessica. I would also bring in some positive characters, though I could develop a taste for this panopticon of eccentricity.

It’s hard to believe that in 2016 someone would seriously try to be scary with the ghost of an abandoned child, without bringing to it anything more than the most stupid dialogues by the most stupid characters and the even more stupid, weak and helpless twist with which any horror movie could end. Though it does have something interesting, that a happy end for one side it’s not a happy end for the other, but the film should have worked it out completely differently in order to have any emotional effect.

The Aokigahara Forest caused visions not only to the main character of this film, but also to me, the viewer. While the screen was showing an average, unambitious American horror film, what I saw was mainly the squandered potential and the fog-shrouded, excellent film that could be made on the basis of that place. But for that, Jason Zada would’ve had to try a little harder and build things on something more than several, and to a great extent cheap jump scares; to play with heavy paranoia, anxiety and insecurity. Or to al least find a somewhat scarier place, because the pine forest they’ve used is actually antiscary. Even that would be enough, see for example the recent The Hallow or The Witch. But, even though I’m rather critical, the horror year of 2016 could have begun a lot worse. This is just about nothing. Watched, standard, carry on.

A pretty interesting project by ČT. It has some conceptual issues with regards to the choice of participants (though, the producer, Zlatušková, has admitted that the name “Golden Youth” was chosen during post-production), but the result is worthy of some attention, since I’m already reluctant to use more positive adjectives. The participants can be quite annoying (but then, most people would be if they had to put up with the crap the staff of ČT had prepared for them), but sometimes they also manage to surprise with some of their more intense moments.

I don’t know what’s more painful, to watch the moron of Klus, who in everything he does tries to pretend he has some talent, or Jan Svěrák, who in his latest films has tried to pretend that he hasn’t got any talent.